Tuesday, July 5, 2011

The Speech

Well they both said "I do" and now Eric and Romi are enjoying their honeymoon on a beach somewhere in Greece. Here's the speech I made at the Rehearsal Dinner. I followed most of the rules I laid out in my previous blog, most notably, the speech wasn't caught on tape. But here's the transcript...

Good evening. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Todd. I've known Eric since our days at Taft High School in Woodland Hills. I’m a year older than him and in the decade plus we’ve known each other I have seen Eric shrink into the man he is today... I’m not talking about his character here, people... He used to be fat.

In high school Eric and I were friends, but in hindsight we weren't that close. Among the group we ran with, Eric was much better friends with Darryl. Jake. And even the cafeteria lady, Esmeralda. By the way, I ran into her the other day Eric and her 10-year old son looks exactly like you.

With Eric and I, our lives were like an episode of Friends where Eric was Chandler and I was Phoebe. We were part of the same social group but we rarely had our own storyline together. Things didn’t change much when we went off to college. Eric was in Arizona and I stayed in California and we rarely saw each other except for over summer breaks, which I happily spent drinking his parents’ alcohol and trying to have sex with his sister’s friends. I expect the wedding tomorrow to be much of the same.

Eventually we both graduated and Eric and I moved in with Jake who without question is the Ross of the group, and by that I mean he’s really smart and nobody really likes him. The three of us lived in Park La Brea, and for a while, Darryl even moved in with us. Darryl is definitely the Joey of our group basically because he’s buff, funny, and he looks nothing like Jennifer Aniston.

Chandler, Ross, Joey, and I guess I'm stuck being Phoebe.
Michael, you can be Marcel the monkey.
Though we all had college in our rear view mirrors, our apartment in Park La Brea turned into a quasi-fraternity house and this is where Eric and I began to grow much closer as friends. Dodger Games. St. Nicks. Naked wrestling matches on the lawn. Oh, I mean… playing baseball on the lawn. We were all single with good jobs and we were enjoying the fruits of our labor. Even with Eric’s penchant for buying guys drinks and falling asleep at the bar by 11 pm, we still had a great time. For a few years, with different combinations of roommates and in different areas in LA, the group stuck together and we made memories that will stay with all of us forever.

And then came Romi, the “Monica” to Eric’s “Chandler.” 

Romi, what can I say about you that I haven’t already told my therapist?

(If people aren’t laughing, apologize profusely.) Oh my mistake, that was just a note to myself...

Romi knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go after it. Case in point, Eric. It wasn’t long after they met that Romi had landed her soon-to-be-husband. At first I wasn’t so sure about the relationship, mainly because Eric is such a good guy that, no matter who he dated, I wouldn’t have thought anybody was good enough for him. Eric truly is one of the best people I know and he’s always been an understanding and loyal friend to me. And Romi has definitely proven herself deserving of such a great catch. It’s clear that they’re two peas in a pod. Like peanut butter and jelly. Like eggs and bacon. Like French fries and ketchup. Sorry Eric, am I making you hungry?

With their beautiful home, scrappy dogs, and great families, Eric and Romi are set to have the perfect life. And while Friends is a television series that was canceled years ago, at least I know we’ll always have the reruns. There will always be the amazing memories we made together. And I’m just happy that I was able to be part of the cast. Congratulations Eric and Romi. May you have a long lasting spin-off.


  1. i shed a tear!!!!!! great job!

  2. this is awesome, as i knew it would be!

  3. Wow, wish I could have seen this delivered! Can you write all my speeches going forward? Post Jakes speech if you have that one, also epic.