By now you have probably seen the Youtube sensation Asians in the Library, a video blog (vlog) done by a portly white female UCLA student in which she criticizes the Asian students who attend her school for not using “American manners,” for having their parents do their laundry and grocery shopping and, apparently worst of all, for talking on their phones in the library. Her statements have caused an uproar in not only the Asian community, but in pretty much everyone who has seen the video (except maybe the campus librarian). While I don't approve of what this Hobbit said, I feel that if she truly wanted to be heard rather than ridiculed, she should have made her point in a different way. Now listen, I’m not above a racial joke here and there-- especially towards Asians because they are the least threatening race. In fact I made an entire web series based on Asian stereotypes entitled The Adventures of Mung Chung: An Asian in America with my ex-girlfriend. But a joke is called a joke because it's supposed to be funny. No one was offended by my Web Series for one simple reason: it was hilarious. The difference between Mung Chung and Miss Piggy’s video is the comedy factor.
|It looks like she does most of her studying in the cafeteria.|
There’s a simple formula for racial jokes:
And yes, an Asian person helped me figure out that mathematical equation. See? No one is offended by that joke because it’s clever!
I’ll admit, the “Ching Chong Wing Wong” part of her rant could have been hilarious had she led off with that. But instead she took herself way too seriously from the start. She spoke as if the “Asians” who bugged her had invaded her country and her school and brought with them their rude, foreign ways. In reality, most UCLA Asian students are probably all from LA, SF, SD, or OC. But because they look, sound, and think differently than her she believes there’s no way they can be American. I bet she thinks Obama is from Kenya, too.
|Racism is allowed as long as it's funny.|
(Still from Mung Chung Ep. 2)
Even with all that is wrong with what this little Marshmallow said in her vlog, there’s something else about this situation that truly upsets me. The most watched version of this video currently has over 3 million views on Youtube. Three million! I’m lucky if a couple hundred people read my blog entries, and that’s probably just because they like the pictures. Sure, once in a while I take a controversial stand but I don’t think anything I’ve ever written has been nearly as offensive or just plain idiotic as this girl's vlog. And my viewership is suffering because of it. It's clear that to have a successful blog with millions of readers and even some paying ads, I need to step up the crazy on here. I need to go Kramer. I need to go Mel Gibson. I need to go… Charlie Sheen.
That guy is Internet gold and he knows it. Sure nobody will ever take him seriously again, but who cares? He got a million Twitter followers in one day! To achieve Sheen-level notoriety, there are several steps I have to take. First, I need a catch phrase along the lines of “Winning!” Even Chubbs McArmfat from UCLA has “Ching Chong Wing Wong” to her credit. If that phrase is not on a Blue and Gold t-shirt under a picture of an Asian kid on a cell phone in the next two days, then there’s something wrong with the world. After I get my catch phrase I need to say something really shocking and offensive. I need to claim to have Tiger blood. I need to offend an entire group of people so badly that when other people do the same it's known as "pulling a Todd Fields." Maybe I can make one of those “Too soon” comments? Maybe 9/11 related? It's been ten years people get over it! Even I'm offended by that! Maybe I can get whatever I say to be turned into an Autotuned #1 single. With my singing voice, that’s the only way I would ever have a hit song anyways. I’ll be Antoine Toddson! It’s so easy to make it big with technology today. I can already smell the Internet fame!
|My new single "9/11 (Get over it!)" drops this Summer!|
B-Side: "Let's Roll!"
But now that I think about it, maybe that’s the problem with getting famous on the Internet. In the past, the cliché was a person got their “15 minutes” of fame after a random event thrust them into the spotlight. But today, most people are lucky (or unlucky) to get a mere 15 seconds. No one has heard a peep from Antoine lately (maybe he’s hiding with his kids and his wife?). People are sick of Charlie Sheen already. And soon, PushUpBra McGee will just be another slutty sorority girl researching STDs on the library Internet. While it’s easy to burst onto the scene with a viral video or blog, it’s hard to have any lasting impact without doing anything of real quality.
Zach Galifianakis has a great Webseries called Between Two Ferns. There was an awesome internet television series called Clark and Michael starring Michael Cera that is one of my favorites. And the blog for Comedy Central’s Tosh.0 is a great way to kill a few hours during the day. Sure all of these internet sensations contain offensive or controversial material at one point or another, but they are consistently putting out a hilarious product so their lifespan is longer. Rather than sink to the depths of living with porn stars or going on a racist rant for my 15 seconds, I’m going to put quality over quickness and keep trying to put out an interesting blog. Even if only a couple hundred people read it, at least I'll know they are enjoying an intelligent, funny product and not some idiotic entry only put there to rile a few readers in a sad attempt to grasp fleeting Internet infamy.
With all of that said... I still want that “Ching Chong Ding Dong” T-shirt. I'm talking to YOU Westwood Urban Outfitters!
|"Winning"... for now.|