Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Screw You, Todd Fields!

Screw you, Todd Fields!

No, this isn’t an angry outburst of self-deprecation. I’m referring to a different Todd Fields. Yes, there are two of us. And it gets worse…

Yesterday, a friend of mine informed me that when he Googled me, hoping to find my blog, he only discovered multiple pages for a different Todd Fields. This impostor is a Christian Rock musician. Usually I wouldn’t mind being confused with a rock star, but with song titles like “Breathe On Me,” “Jesus Reigns,” and “God Is Delicious (Featuring Lil’ John)”-- okay, maybe I made that last one up-- I would rather just keep my name for myself. I’m so embarrassed. It’s like being named Hitler in the ‘40s, OJ in the ‘90s, Osama in the ‘00s or Snooki in the ‘10s. To make matters worse, he’s white and blonde (frosted tips to be exact). What if people Google me looking for my blog or just wondering what an old junior high school crush is doing with his life (hey, it could happen!), and they stumble across this other Todd’s website, the cleverly named, and think that it’s me? That would not be good for my reputation.

This is NOT Todd Fields!
For those of you who have ever started a blog or a website, you know how difficult it is to recruit readers and patrons to your page. But then when you basically take away the benefits of Google searches because someone has the same name, it becomes all but impossible to advertise to anybody who isn’t on your Facebook page. And seriously, aren’t there enough people out there pumping the Bible? There’s not a copy of my blog in every hotel room in America. Every Sunday, televangelists don’t speak to millions of people about the benefits of wanting to go snow boarding or date crazy chicks. How am I supposed to advertise my blog-- or “spread the word of Todd,” if you will-- when he’s stealing my best chance at publicity?

People don't flock to hear someone read from my blog...
But they should.
This is actually karma, or as Todd would call it, “God’s plan.” A few years back, when more people than Tom, Tila Tequila, and 20 million sexual predators were on Myspace, Todd actually sent me a message asking to use my URL, which was He wanted me to cancel my account and let him take it so he could “promote my music and spread God’s teachings.” Wrong approach, buddy. Since he was looking to advertise his business, I told him he could purchase the URL from me, but I never heard from him again. Apparently disciples of organized religion only like it when they ask you for money.

Is this a registry of sex offenders or is it
someone's Myspace friends list page?

And now, years later, the tables have been turned and it is Todd “Frosted Tips” Fields that has the upper hand. He is the one standing in the way of my words and the ears and eyes of my audience. It’s a tough reality for me to face, but there’s really nothing I can do about it. So I finally gave in and gave some of Todd’s music a chance. I listened to one of his tracks and, based on the title, expected it to be about him and I. Turns out it’s about his relationship with another egomaniac, but still I found it’s name perfect for our situation. The song is called “Nothing Can Separate Us,” and as long as we share the same name, nothing Todd has sung has ever been closer to the truth. 


  1. OMG, I’m still trying to pick myself up off of the floor from laughing so hard. I’m fortunate enough to be the only person in the world with my name.

  2. In the battle of Todd Fields vs. Todd Fields, I do not like Todd Fields chances. This could be a bloodbath.

  3. Does the other Todd Fields also write the most boring blog ever? JK man! I couldn't come up with anything funny to add, so I thought I'd just put you down to make myself seem cooler. Another classic blog!! I think you should do a parody of this guy, but the Athiest version.

  4. Frosted tips are the shit...just ask Davis.

  5. I have a cramp from laughing too hard ..The other Todd Fields "frosted tips" came up when I googled you for the first time ..I had to do a double take and said Hell No this can't be Todd this guy looks corny... lol omg this is funny. Your the "Hot" Todd he's the "Not" Todd.

  6. You're a self-absorbed moron. May the lord be with you.

  7. Hahahahahahaha!!! Todd Fields reads Todd Fields blog!!!!!!!!!! I love it! It's like in Seinfeld with Joel Rifkin! But which is worse? A murderer? Or religious singer?? I'm really not sure....